The Beast of Beauty Read online

  The Beast of

  Beauty

  Valerie Johnston

  The Beast of Beauty

  Copyright © 2014 Valerie Johnston

  Edited by Cynthia Stigall

  Cover art by Valerie Johnston

  Photography by Pinkston Photography

  All rights reserved

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

  ISBN-13: 978-1500154790

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

  For Derek, who believed in me unconditionally

  Chapter One: Adeline

  I had always feared that there was a monster deep within me. It was hard to see from the outside, but I could feel it, secretly creeping inside of me, and I always had. I was a monster that drove people away, one that no one would waste any time on. I was hopeless.

  My sins engulfed me every time I remembered them. I was selfish. I was greedy. I was angry.

  I was so, so very angry.

  I felt like my mother had been my balance. She kept the monsters at bay and showed me the light within myself. She believed in me, and she made me feel important. When I lost her, I lost the ability to believe in myself or anything at all.

  I got ready for school like I did every morning. I took a shower, cleaned house, ate breakfast, got dressed, and headed out the door, all before my father had the chance to wake up. My mother used to do the same thing, but she did it with an elegance that I couldn’t seem to possess. I tried to fill her shoes and hoped that it would bring light into my life again, but without her, there was only darkness. If I stumbled around in my own shoes, unable to do anything right, how on earth could I try to walk in her’s?

  Why else did my father rage the way he did? I provoked him. I provoked him because I am a monster. My mother never brought out the feelings in him that I did. She was gentle, kind, loving, supportive, and wonderful. All of those traits seemed so far out of my reach that it seemed ridiculous to even dream that one day I could be her.

  Perhaps she kept the monsters within my father at bay as well, and without her, there was no way that we could happily coexist.

  The crisp air outside gave me a second to breathe. Walking to school in the morning was my favorite part of the day because I could be alone. It wasn’t a long walk from my house to the school, and I always wished it was longer. I hated being at school, and I hated being at home, so this was my sanctuary. This was my moment of peace.

  As I got closer to Holbrooke High School, I found myself wanting to do anything but go there again. But every day, no matter how strong that feeling became, I still went. I still faced the demons that waited for me there. Most people would try to avoid the torment that I went through at school, but deep down, I felt that I deserved it. After everything that had happened, I felt like it was only to be expected.

  I feared I was unlovable.

  I feared I was going to be alone forever.

  I once heard that finding love is rare. Movie after movie told me that there was a prince for every girl, but I didn’t believe it. Those women in the movies I watched? They were gorgeous. And was I gorgeous? Not by a long shot.

  One boy told me I was, once. He was a cruel person now, but he once saw something in me, or so I thought. I didn’t see how he could’ve. I was so plain, so normal that makeup could not have made my face look any better even if I did know how to put it on.

  Cars passed me as they approached the entryway to our high school. Some honked at me, like they always did, but it wasn’t because they liked me. It was quite the opposite. It was just their way of letting me know that they still knew I existed and they would make my existence as terrible as they possibly could for the remainder of this year. I sighed, for it was only October.

  When I got to the parking lot, he nearly ran into me, but I doubt that he even realized it. His eyes were far off, like he had something so important on his mind that he couldn’t even look at my face. Maybe he just wanted me to believe that so that it wouldn’t hurt my feelings that he didn’t want to talk to me? No, that couldn’t be it. I doubt he was thinking about sparing my feelings.

  Still, his touch sent sparks through my arm. What a strange, stupid feeling. Why on earth would I still get excited at the touch of someone who has forgotten me? Maybe he didn’t forget me at all; maybe he just found out that I was a monster before everyone else did?

  That made much more sense.

  I walked up to first period, unable to get him out of my mind. He was so cruel, so distant, so petty… and yet, he wasn’t any of those things. How can one person be so confusing?

  The halls were filled with people scrambling around, running into each other as if no one else existed. I wondered what it would be like to have the kind of confidence that allowed you to run all over people without even realizing it. I had all too much experience being the one being run over.

  I opened my locker to find a dead bird lying inside. A few people were looking at me expectantly with their phones out, hoping to get the next big internet hit. I picked it up by its frail wing and threw it in the trash. The shrieks erupted like I had fainted. It didn’t matter what I did, it always entertained them—at my expense.

  First period was always the best—it meant that Jasper wasn’t in my class. I could handle the ridicule from almost everyone else, but his cut deeper. He was a professional at being cruel, while the others just followed his lead. I would spend every other period of the day with Jasper, but this was another brief moment of peace.

  Jasper was another one of those guys that was a walking contradiction. His face wasn’t as ugly as the person that he was on the inside. He was moderately tall, but he walked even taller. His face, while it may have been aesthetically pleasing, was always covered by a smirk, and I for one was not attracted to that. I only wished that he was hideous. Perhaps if he was, people wouldn’t worship him like he was some kind of prince. They would ignore his attitude and not give him the time of day. As it was, he ran this school. Apparently all it takes is brown hair, blue eyes, and some basketball skills to make everyone listen to every single word that you have to say…

  … everyone except me.

  Chapter Two: Daniel

  Today is the day.

  “We’ll be glad to have to you back, Dan,” Jasper said as he lightly punched my arm. It was the nicest thing he had said to me in a year.

  I smiled calmly on the outside, but inside I was bursting with pride. I had practiced all summer to get ahead of the rest of the boys in order to make the A-team. Coach had said that he was going to post the A and B team lists in the locker room this morning, and I just knew that my name was going to be on the A list.

  Zoey was going to be so proud of me, and so was my father. I couldn’t wait to tell him. The last time I had good news like this, he took the whole family out to eat seafood to celebrate. I was already planning what I would order, and my mouth began to water thinking about the huge shrimp plate that I would devour as I regaled my tale of how I walked to the locker room, sat down my gym bag, approached the cork board, saw two lists, the A one on the left, the B one on the right, and my name was right there…

  Where was my name?

  I read the A-team over and over, but I didn’t see my name. I thought perhaps that I was too worked up and just looked over it, so I kept reading it again and again.

  “Dude, it’s over here,” Jasper said, and put his finger on the other list.

  Sure enough, my name was there. Daniel Cotton. Right there, on the wrong list.

  Had the coach made a mistake?

  I knew that there had to have b
een a look of horror on my face. I looked up at Jasper’s face, hoping that it would match mine. I hoped that he would be just as confused and demand an explanation for why both of our names weren’t on the A list. Instead, he wore a smile.

  “Guess you weren’t meant to be one of us after all,” he shrugged.

  I ran out of the locker room to find the coach. He saw my face before I could ever get a word out and stopped me from speaking.

  “Daniel, there is nothing wrong with the way you play. I know that you have worked hard, and it really shows. You have made so much improvement. You are just as much a part of this team as anyone else, okay? Don’t forget that. We still need you to make this team a success.”

  I lowered my head, “You just don’t need me to actually play in a game?”

  He put his hand on my shoulder, squeezed gently, and walked away.

  I felt like a child standing there staring at the floor. I wanted to punch something or someone and get out all of the darkness that I felt creeping up within me. I didn’t understand. I did the work. I put in the time. Those other boys that made the A-team probably did nothing but party all summer, and here they are, as talented as ever, making big plans to dominate the floor in our upcoming game—a game that I would watch from the bench, cheering on those who beat me without even trying.

  I felt like I was going to be sick.

  I was supposed to be good enough to play in college. My old man dreamed of the day that his son would sign a letter of intent to play college basketball. The college itself didn’t matter to him; all that mattered was the attention that our family would get because of me.

  However, college scouts don’t travel far and wide to different high schools around the country to see how well the kid on the bench plays. Even if you do get a few moments of playing time in the fourth quarter because your team is up by thirty points, there’s nothing you could do to get on that coach’s radar. It wouldn’t matter if you scored ten points in two minutes, you would be playing against the other team’s B-team as well, and no one would notice.

  First period practice went by slowly. Jasper held his head high with a confidence that I wished that I could possess. I thought that I would be celebrating in practice too, but I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. As we ran drills, I felt like I was running in water.

  “Cotton, get your head in the game!” Coach yelled, but not too harshly, like he had to keep up appearances with the rest of the team, but he didn’t want to break me at the same time. I’m sure that I looked as fragile as I felt.

  Jasper pushed me from behind, “You sure you can make it to the locker room? You look a little woozy.”

  “I’m fine,” I muttered.

  Jasper smirked, “I could carry you?”

  His friends laughed.

  I ignored him and kept walking. I didn’t even change clothes once I got there, I just grabbed my bag and left.

  I got to English class, happy to see a familiar face. Zoey beamed at me as I entered, expecting good news. I smiled back, but said nothing.

  “Look,” she said, “I know that it isn’t your fault, but I don’t want you to be partner’s with another girl.”

  “I don’t want to be, I’ll be your partner.”

  She sighed, “We don’t have a choice! Mrs. Farmington already said that she was picking the groups, and I seriously doubt that she is going to let us be together since she knows we’re dating.”

  “Dang, you’re probably right. Maybe I’ll be with another guy and it won’t be a big deal,” I shrugged.

  “Lexie and Scott,” Mrs. Farmington announced.

  “Zoey and Brandon,” she listed. I had no problems with Brandon.

  “Hillary and Zeke,” she continued. It seemed like she was pairing boys and girls. I didn’t care what girl it was as long as it wasn’t…

  “Adeline and Daniel,” she said, as if it were no big deal.

  Zoey laughed, “I’m not even jealous of her.”

  Zoey’s comment was a double-edged sword. On one hand, I was glad that I wouldn’t have to listen to her gripe about being jealous of someone that I didn’t even like. On the other hand, I sort of wished that she would throw the biggest fit of her life and get me out of this.

  I walked across the room and sat at the desk in front of hers, wishing that it could have been anyone else.

  Chapter Three: Adeline

  He looked at me like I had a disease that he didn’t want to catch. He had a beautiful face, with his dark complexion, dark-brown hair, and green eyes, but all of the beauty in the world couldn’t hide the fact that he really didn’t want to be walking toward me. I didn’t exactly want to be his partner either, but I was hoping that my facial expression said less about how much I hated this than his did.

  “Hi,” he said awkwardly.

  “Hey,” I muttered back.

  Mrs. Farmington went over the guidelines for the project that we would be doing. I tried to listen, but my heart was beating too loudly in my ears. Her voice stopped, and the whole class erupted in chatter, except our group.

  “What’s your favorite Shakespeare book?” Daniel asked.

  “Why do you care?” I snapped.

  One of his eyebrows shot up, “Because that’s our assignment: to write an essay together over a book by William Shakespeare.”

  My face flushed; I really hadn’t heard anything that Mrs. Farmington had said.

  “Sorry… umm, I don’t know. Which ones have you read?”

  “None of them,” he admitted, “But I bet you like Romeo and Juliet though. That’s a chick thing.”

  I scoffed, “Yes, I like it. Not because of the romance, though.”

  “Well what else is in it?”

  “Tragedy.”

  “Why on earth would you like tragedy?” he asked.

  “Because I understand it,” I answered.

  We were both quiet for what seemed like forever, avoiding each other’s eyes.

  “How about we write about something else, then?” he asked softly.

  “Is The Twelfth Night okay?”

  “I guess,” he said. “What is it about?”

  “It’s sort of like the movie She’s the Man,” I explained, “about a girl who disguises herself as a boy.”

  He groaned, “Ugh, is that that stupid Amanda Bynes movie you made me watch?”

  I could tell that he regretted it as soon as he said it. I simply nodded my head. It had been so long ago that I had forgotten about that. I wished that I hadn’t brought it up either.

  “That one’s fine,” he said slowly, “I’ll go check us each out a copy from the library.”

  He left the room like there was a fire.

  “Enjoying the attention?” Zoey asked as she took his place in the seat in front of me.

  “What do you mean?”

  She giggled, “You know, someone talking to you that is actually important at this school. Like Daniel. He just made the A-team this morning.

  Jasper overheard and laughed, “No sweetie, he didn’t.”

  “Yes he did!” she screamed at him. “You should know!”

  “I do know, I was there,” he explained. “And he didn’t make it. Can’t you tell by the look on the poor kid’s face? He wasn’t good enough. I think the coach feels sorry for him or he would just kick him off of the team altogether.”

  Zoey looked hurt, “He didn’t tell me, though. He would’ve told me if he hadn’t made the team.”

  “He was probably too embarrassed,” Jasper said, “Who could blame him?”

  Just then, Daniel came back in the room holding our books.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Zoey asked quietly.

  His eyes widened, “Tell you what?”

  She sat silently for two seconds, her face flushing, “TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE TEAM?!”

  “I did make the team,” he explained, “just not the A-team.”

  “Just not the team that actually gets to play,” Jasper elaborated. Hi
s comment was met by snickers from the other guys who I suppose did make the A-team.

  Daniel shot him a look and continued, “Zoey, I wanted to talk to you about it later, not in front of the whole class like this.”

  “Well, too bad!” she said. “I can’t believe you lied to me! You are such a liar!”

  “I didn’t lie to you!” he said, his voice rising.

  “Yes you did!” she yelled. “You told me that you would make the team, and you didn’t! That’s lying!”

  “QUIET!” Mrs. Farmington yelled. “Get back in your groups and keep planning. Save all of your drama for after school.”

  Daniel sat back in front of me and tossed my book on my table. He sat his left arm on my desk, and I reached out to touch it, to comfort him, and changed my mind halfway through the act and pulled my hand back as fast as I could. He saw me, and looked up to meet my eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “For what?” he asked, attitude dripping off his voice.

  “That you didn’t make the team,” I said, still keeping my voice at a whisper.

  His expression changed, and for the first time in a long time, he looked at me like I was a real person, “Thanks.”

  I nodded and put my book in my bag.

  “Sorry you got stuck with Adeline,” Jasper said. “You just haven’t had the best luck today, man.”

  Chapter Four: Daniel

  “What do you want, Jasper?” I asked, annoyed.

  “Just to offer my condolences,” he explained. “Adeline, I bet this is the best day of your life, though.”

  She just lowered her head and refused to look at him. Sometimes I admired the way that she didn’t say anything when people made fun of her, but sometimes I wished that she would grow a backbone and say something about it.

  “Don’t go feeling sorry for her, Daniel,” Jasper said, “it’ll just be a waste of your time.”